I need a dark corner

Where's a good hole to crawl into when you need one, eh?

Not really getting the most out of life lately. I am appalled by all the 'junk' Greg and I have collected in just the past 3 years and I feel overburdened by the task of sorting through it all and tossing out the unnecessaries. We are hoarders, if feels wrong to throw things away. But sometimes, it just has to be done, and I will have less a problem with that than Greg. It doesn't hurt that I've had a few manic episodes that resulted in my boxing up and burning most of my possessions, so I know how to get rid of items when it's their time to go.

The house we live in also needs a thorough scrubbing, and we are redoing the kitchen and the bathroom, and none of this will ever be done and I just want to drop a fucking bomb on the place and start over with just a box. I really wish Greg hadn't purchased the house, that I hadn't supported Greg's decision, because now we're trapped there for 3 years in order to get the tax credit that Greg really needs. I am just so overwhelmed by all the work that needs to be done...I just want to crawl into my little hole and pretend the whole world has gone away and left me to my peace.

But I can keep on dreaming because the house and all its filth and all the possessions I've put there, well, none of it is going anywhere so I better start working.

Which I will have plenty of time to do once I run out of hours at my 'real' job as a part-time little bitch for the NASA library. A master's degree and the consequent debt and all I get are fucking scraps of menial projects tossed at me at the end of the fiscal year. I am the master of monotony, the brazen bester of the boring, I tame the tedious and wrestle with the repetitive. And hate my fucking job.

Yes, it's that kind of a day. Luckily I have some xanax in my bag, and I'm going out for dinner tonight, as encumbered with debt as Greg and I are, and getting some STRONG drinks.